


it’s not a fashion statement it’s a deathwish

by obscurityofphylum



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Abuse, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus is lowkey a jerk, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Shinyview, Vanya’s trying her best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26268160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obscurityofphylum/pseuds/obscurityofphylum
Summary: when vanya came back from college for the holidays, she didn’t expect klaus to be home from shinyview.
Kudos: 25





	it’s not a fashion statement it’s a deathwish

she didn't think he'd be home.

but there klaus was, laying on (his? their?) bedroom floor. the air reeked of marijuana and cigarette smoke, and vanya's coughing must've woken him from whatever trance he was in.

"oh. hey vanya." he said nonchalantly, flipping the lighter in his hand. it looked awkward from how spindly his fingers were, but she couldn't look away. 

"hey... how are you here?" she finally asked. 

"they kicked me out two months ago. what about you? sorry about your room by the way. thought it might be time for some good old D.I.Y. renovation." he said, gesturing around vaguely to the missing brick wall that used to separate their bedrooms. it was gone now, leaving only an exposed space where klaus had moved some of his furniture into: a few chairs, a record player, and some posters for bands she'd never heard of. 

"it's alright. and, thought i'd come back home for the holidays." she said. klaus took a deep drag of his cigarette, not noticing as vanya dropped her bag and sat down beside him on the floor. 

"not much to come back for. it's not like daddy's undergone some miraculous change." klaus snorted, and vanya had the urge to just get up and walk away. she didn't think klaus would even notice if she left to try and find the others. maybe she'd get an intelligent conversation with allison. 

"neither have you, apparently. shinyview didn't help much, huh?" her voice was a little bitter, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. 

"jack shit." klaus laughed sadly. 

"did you even try?" vanya pushed, her voice more serious. klaus was framing the ceiling above him with his fingers like the french painter in the movie they always watched as kids. they used to do it all the time as a joke, but now it just made her sad. his eyes were glassy and half-closed. 

"i don't wanna talk about it." he muttered, pushing himself up from the floor. he clumsily stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray on his nightstand, and vanya wondered for a second if dad knew he was smoking again. she decided not to bring it up with him. putting her siblings against her wouldn't help.

"is being high all the time worth losing everything?" she blurted out suddenly. klaus's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. vanya wanted to apologize, but her lips didn't want to open and her tongue refused to move, sitting like heavy lead in her mouth.

klaus sighed deeply and stopped fishing under the mattress and spun around to face her, this time holding a flask. he was flippant again, no trace of emotion. just deep numbness, the look of indifference on his face making her sick. she wanted her brother back. her colorful brother, the one who had stolen allison's makeup and ran in mom's heels when they were little. looking at his face now, she couldn't see even the slightest trace of klaus, just some imposter that looked like him. 

"i have nothing to lose, dear sister." he said, and she couldn't help but notice the pain in his voice that wasn't entirely masked. she tucked the sound of his voice away for later, ready to pull it out and think about it when she was going to bed later tonight. her mind was a filing cabinet, and klaus had a special drawer dedicated just to him. 

when they were younger, it was a coping mechanism. she'd lock things away to think about later, when she was more composed. safe keeping in the back of her brain, pulled out only when she wanted. that was something she could control.

the most used files were frayed at the edges from her carefully pondering over the memories for years. she could remember every little detail of the november tenth, two-thousand-and-two. the day her closest confidant and only friend had fled from the breakfast table, never to be seen again. a newer one, added only a year ago, showcased the intricate detail on one of her other brother's casket. 

"klaus. stop it." vanya begged when she snapped out of her daze, watching him as he sipped from the flask. she knew it wouldn't do anything. 

"van. please don't." he pleaded, and his tone sounded exhausted. she resorted to looking away while he swilled more of the flask's contents. 

"what really happened? at shinyview?" vanya asked. klaus rolled his eyes, throwing the flask aside. some of the contents spilled, but klaus either didn't notice or didn't care, because he was millimeters away from her face. 

"look. you want the dirty details? you wanna be in everybody's business, since you have no business of your own? fine." he spat, the venom in his tone making her stomach flip.

"i went crazy. off my fucking rocker, van. it was a sanitarium. every ghost's wet dream location to haunt, truly-" he broke off, laughing mockingly. he was right in front of her now, and everything about him was unsettling. 

"the same routine, they wouldn't shut up, i lost my temper." his finger was pointed in her face, and his eyes were cat-like, staring her down like prey. she gulped. 

"i punched a guard in the face. ripped the wallpaper off the wall in my room. really went apeshit, if that's what you want to know." he finally backed away from her, instead going to the window and opening it. she was afraid he'd leave, like they were fifteen again and he'd run from every confrontation by means of the fire escape. honestly, the fire escape kind of tempted her right now too. anything to get away from the hostile energy that was radiating off of him in waves. 

"klaus..." she trailed off, not knowing how to comfort him. he waved her off. 

"i bit my doctor on the arm, so hard he bled. roundhouse kicked a nurse in the jaw. sir reggie's sparring lessons did turn out useful in the end." he chuckled. vanya furrowed her brow, watching her green-eyed brother lazily stalk around the room. 

"they left me alone for a couple days while they called dear daddy. it's alright, i had a real mtv crib to wait it out in. six by six isolation room, got let out to piss every few hours like a dog." he scoffed, and vanya suddenly felt small sitting on the floor. she felt like she was a child again, watching klaus and allison performing ballets in the living room and applauding their clumsy pirouettes. 

"i'm sorry." she mumbled. she truly was. neither of them said anything for a long time, and the room was silent except for the soft floorboards creaking under klaus's uneven gait, which bordered on pacing at this point. 

"it hurt, van. usually i'd gladly take eleven months doped up twenty four seven, but...nevermind." he finally admitted, flopping down on his bed. 

"no, please. tell me." she begged, and her voice cracked. 

"i spent my eighteenth birthday strapped to a mattress. you had already gotten to run away, become someone other than a little music prodigy in a pleated skirt." he was taunting her, and she hated every word that came from his mouth. 

"and i'm not angry. just confused. all you've ever wanted was to be a member of the team." he scratched his chin comically, and vanya was seething inside. 

"what?" she asked, trying to keep her tone level. 

"you know exactly what i'm talking about. you wanted to wear the stupid mask and feel important-"

"klaus, that's not-" 

"don't interrupt me, number seven. face it, you wanted to be included until you read the fine print of what inclusion truly meant." 

"and you know what magnified that fine print for you? really brought it to your attention?" he continued, and she noticed the way he was scratching the back of his hand compulsively, along with the scabs that littered each of his knuckles. 

"something tells me that it was that lovely december day, when we put our brother six feet deep with nothing but a shitty statue in his honor." klaus hissed, a grin spreading on his face. his eyes were no longer glassy, just filled with pure fury when she caught his gaze. 

"don't talk about ben like that." her voice was steely, and she didn't expect to sound so harsh, but klaus deserved it. his eye contact was harsh, and she found herself wincing away. he just scoffed. 

in front of her stood the one brother who she had always deemed harmless, the one who would always be there as the emotional support link. here he was, age eighteen, mocking her with so much venom in his voice that she wondered if he was truly the same brother she had left behind when she headed off to college. 

"a word of advice." he leaned close to her ear, and the smell of smoke and alcohol was sickeningly strong. she wanted to pull away, to block her ears to whatever he was going to say to her next, but every nerve in her body was telling her to stay. 

"stick to the violin, seven. the masks and missions are nothing but a deathwish." he spat, stalking away. she stared after him, bewildered, trying to think of something to say; she was rattling her brain for anything to get him to stay. 

all he acknowledged her with was a cocky grin, and a little wave of his 'GOODBYE' hand. she listened to his footsteps disappear down the hall, no doubt headed for their father's liqour cabinet. 

so she sat there, alone on the floor of what she couldn't even call her bedroom anymore. klaus's parting phrase was ringing in her ears. 

vanya tucked it into a folder, and stuffed it into the cabinet in her mind. she'd think about it later. for now, she reached for one of her pills.


End file.
